Bad jokes and a review of my season 2016/17

Somebody asked me if I liked 'Steps "5, 6, 7, 8"'. "Of course I do", I replied...



"I like The Midland Football League Premier Division, The East Midlands Counties League, The Central Midlands Football League and The Midlands Regional Alliance - the leagues below the Northern Premier League".

For the uninitiated, my response related to local teams in the lower reaches of the English footballing pyramid. Although I did see a few Midland Football League Premier Division / Northern Counties East League Division 1 (Step 5) and East Midlands Counties League (Step 6) games in the season, I spent a lot of time watching teams of the Central Midlands Football League (Step 7) by doing a 'Road to the League Cup Final' challenge. For completeness, the results of the games I saw are shown below:

R1: Swanwick Pentrich Road 3, Askern FC 1
R2: Holbrook St Michaels 1, Swanwick Pentrich Road 4
QF: Swanwick Pentrich Road 2, FC Bolsover 3 (AET)
SF: FC Bolsover 0, Hucknall Town 4
FR: Selston FC 2, Hucknall Town 0

Technically there is no 'Step 8' but for this review I am classing 'Step 8' (Tier 12) as the recognised feeder league to the Central Midlands Football League (Step 7) - The Midlands Regional Alliance (MRA), a Saturday league serving Derby and the surrounding area.

The sole MRA league game I watched was the Premier Division game between Allenton United and Shirebrook Rangers. Unfortunately, Allenton went on to default their last few games and resign from the league, a shame rather than a Tragedy. On a more cheerful note I did witness Castle Donington Cobras (of MRA Division 1) lift a County Cup by beating Gresley Reserves in Mickleover. In that latter game the Cobras 'keeper put a Gresley forward in hospital; an incident that is Better Best Forgotten. I also watched them beat their local rivals Melbourne Dynamo to lift the MRA Junior Cup.

Teams join the MRA to get the highest standard of Saturday football they can and also to use it as a spring board for loftier ambitions, such as Selston FC, winners of the CMFL cup and Division South this season. Such teams often come from Sunday or junior leagues.

There are three further Derbyshire FA affiliated leagues serving adult footballers in Derby which fall outside the recognised footballing pyramid. These are the Derby Church League, the Derby City League and the Derby Taverners Sunday Football League.

I watched the City League and Taverners League cup finals and felt that Woodlands OB, Golden Pheasant (wearing a kit of a Deeper Shade of Blue), FC Chadd 2013 and Arboretum could all hold their own in the MRA, if they ever wanted to move across. Furthermore I felt that there was enough talented players in those four teams that a very useful team could be compiled from them. This was an approach taken by FC Bolsover (winners of the Central Midlands Football League (CMFL) North Division 2016/17).

Glapwell FC (who became (in essence) FC Bolsover) took some of the more talented players of the Chesterfield and District Sunday League to challenge in the CMFL. They ended up winning the CMFL North Division in 2015/16. At the end of that season they folded and the players and management rebadged themselves as FC Bolsover.

I watched FC Bolsover three times in 2016/17 and I also watched the Derbyshire FA Sunday Senior Cup final played out between, Chesterfield District teams, FC United of Bolsover and Britannia FC. Players featuring for both Sunday league teams I recognised as FC Bolsover regulars.

At the end of the season both the management team and Chairman of FC Bolsover left the club and there was a feeling that FC Bolsover, like Glapwell before, may fold, which would have been One for Sorrow. However, it looks as though the former Chairman's son has taken charge. Could this be a case of Better the Devil You Know? or could there be a footballing Buzz in the town next season? With this news I am sure that there were no Tears on the Dancefloor at the FC Bolsover end of season party.

As I started out watching Derbyshire football a couple of years ago the Last Thing on My Mind was to see a lot of 'parks' football. It's not a standard that would Light Up the World but at the end of the day it is still the beautiful game.

Melbourne Dynamo 1, Castle Donington Cobras 2 - AET (08/05/17 19:30) - Midland Regional Alliance Junior Cup Final

Tonight's game, at Long Easton United's Grange Park ground, promised to be a battle-royal. Cobras pipped Melbourne to the MRA Division 1 title and as such this game offered Dynamo the chance of some revenge in this cup competition for MRA Division 1 and 2 sides.

Cobras, who I was impressed with when I saw them beat Gresley in the Derbyshire Divisional Cup final, have had a great season. They already had a cup and league title under their belts and this game gave them the chance of winning their third piece of silverware.

It was a fairly even game with Melbourne, all in blue, starting the more brightly. Cobras, in their vivid lime away shirts, finished the game stronger however, and this was decisive.

Dynamo took the lead mid-way through the first half. Cobras were unable to clear their lines and the ball fell to the unmarked number 8 on the edge of the D. As the ball came down, over the striker's shoulder, he unleashed a hooked lobbed shot beyond the reach of the 'keepers left hand.

Cobras had chances to level in the remainder of the first-half but it stayed 1:0 until ten minutes into the second half. Following some good work down the right an accurate cross from the angle of the 18 yard box  picked out the number 6, 6 yards out at the far post, and with a lovely controlled header the ball was guided past the keeper's right hand.

Cobras spurned their chances to win it in normal time and it took until stoppage time in extra time for the game to be decided. The Dynamo 'keeper, under pressure, could only flap away a clearance and the ball fell to Cobra's number 7, 19 yards out, right of centre. A right footed shot across the 'keeper, to his right, found the back of the net and scenes of wild celebrations ensued.

The quality of football was a great advertisement for the Midlands Regional Alliance and I am sure it won't be too long until we see a team representing Castle Donington back at Step 7 level or higher again. 

Littleover HM 0, Heanor Whitegates 3 (05/05/17 19:30) - The Dick Windle Trophy Final

The winners of the Alfreton and District Sunday Football League cup competition are awarded the Dick Windle Trophy; and this year's final was a Littleover (Derby) - Heanor match up at South Normanton Athletic's Lees Lane ground.

Littleover Half Moon were a very successful Derby Sunday League side before falling out with the league. They now play in the Alfreton and District Sunday Football League, and were crowned league champions for the season 2015/16. This year the best that they can hope to achieve is second place. In the current league standings Moon are third and Heanor fifth.

Although I have seen both South Normanton Athletic (East Midlands League - Step 6) and their unofficial reserve team, South Normanton Town (Central Midlands League - Step 7), play, I hadn't been to their ground before, and so this game, on my way home on a Friday evening, was too interesting an occasion to miss.

A decent turnout of over 80 witnessed the match and were treated to three goals (meeting my ideal criteria of £1 per goal entrance fee). Unfortunately all goals were scored by the slight underdogs.

Heanor had the advantage of the slight slope in the first half and it only took them 5 minutes to take the lead. A ball from the right wing found the striker 16 yards out, in a right of centre position, and a calm right foot shot was placed low past the 'keepers right hand.

Heanor went two goals up midway through the half. Good work down the left flank drew the 'keeper out of position and a square ball into the box found a striker free, some 13 yards out with the goal at his mercy. A straight forward side foot found the back of the net.

At 2:0 at half-time Moon were still in the game but immediately after the restart the match was effectively over when the Litttleover 'keeper weakly cleared the ball straight to a striker 30 yards from goal. The striker raced on ten yards and fired the ball under the onrushing goalie.

After the third goal the game was fairly even. Moon struck the woodwork twice and had a number of wayward potshots from distance.

In the final moments of the game Heanor were down to 10 men and some unseemly scenes were witnessed. A bad tackle, worthy of the player's second yellow, caused the Moon's manager to rush onto the field to confront the offending player.

Heanor were worthy winners, but I was impressed with the very quick and very left footed Moon winger who liked to run at, and past, players, but unfortunately he lacked a bit of quality when it came to delivering the final ball.

Matlock Town 5, Gresley FC 0 (02/05/17 19:45) - Derbyshire FA Senior Challenge Cup Final

Tonight I was back at Chesterfield's ground to see my fourth Derbyshire FA Senior Challenge Cup Final, which was a replay of the 2014/15 final. On that occasion Matlock ran out comfortable 7:0 winners against a weak Gresley side who had their minds still on a league promotion chance.

Step 7 Matlock were pre-match favourites again against their Step 8 opponents tonight, having dispatched the county's best non-league side, Alfreton, in the semi-final. Matlock have had a fair season overall, finishing comfortably mid-table in the Northern Premier League Premier Division. Gresley on the other hand struggled in the First Division South but easily avoided a relegation dogfight.

I have recently moved offices to Rotherham and my friend has recently moved house to Chesterfield, and so this worked well for a dinner after work in Chesterfield and for cajoling my mate along to the game.

Following our pub-chain burger meal we took our place in the stands (on posh padded seats) with the Gresley fans (in order to boost the Gresley numbers), just as I had done two years previous. And just as two years previous I witnessed Gresley get totally outclassed by Matlock (much to the delight of the majority of the 715 spectators). This time, however, Gresley had no excuses.

Matlock started the game more brightly and created a couple of half chances before Gresley hit the woodwork amidst a goal-line scramble; Gresley's diminutive number 8 playing a role in the chance, just as he was key in all Gresley's moves. The little number 8 was Gresley's standout player with his pace and fleetness of foot.

Matlock were never in any real danger though, and shortly after Gresley's chance that struck the woodwork, they went ahead. With Matlock 2:0 up at half-time Gresley were still in the game but immediately after the interval Matlock scored again and then Gresley were in damage limitation mode. Matlock ran out deserving winners and demonstrated why they were a league higher up the pyramid.

Of the small number of Gresley fans that made the trip up north, a handful of them had obviously had too much to drink, and they came out with such classic chants as "You're just a small town near Buxton" and "Matlock Town, You're Having a Bath".

The goals are described thus:

1.0 Gresley were unable to clear their lines and the ball fell kindly the number 9 who, with a 22 yard right foot strike to the 'keeper's right, found the net, even though the 'keeper managed to get a hand to the ball.
2.0 An out-swinging corner from Matlock's right found number 8 unmarked on the far edge of the
six yard box. A header through the 'keepers hands found the back of the net.
3.0 Number 11 got to the by-line, left of goal, and whipped a cross to the near post. Number 9, three yards out by the near post, got to the ball ahead of the 'keeper and defender and managed to clip the ball into the net.
4.0 A free-kick, 22 yards out left of centre, was struck right-footed through the wall by the number 3, and nestled in the back of the net low to the 'keepers right.
5.0 The ball was played out wide right to the number 7 who, 14 yards out, took a stride to steady himself, before unleashing a bullet of a shot high into the net.